Yesterday was my "golden" birthday; the birthday in which you turn the age of your birth date day. I was very fortunate to spend the day with my most favorite man, my son. Ryan had to work, so J and I took the opportunity to play at the waterpark at Ryan's place of employment. Unlike last year, this year Jordan was scared to go on any of the slides. Finally after some encouragement, he got on them and wouldn't relent afterwards. We sat outside drinking an icee and telling "knock knock" jokes and watching the rollercoasters next to the resort. Ryan came home with a bouquet of pink roses and cards from himself and J. Afterwards, my family came over for pizza and we enjoyed watching the kids and furkids play. Everyone left, I propped my feet up and enjoyed some wine as the "icing on the cake". It was a fun and exhausting day; I wouldn't have it any other way.
Also, for my birthday. I would like to pass my NCLEX. It will be a late birthday present, but I will take it. I'm taking it this week--- It's one thing to talk about taking it, it's quite another to actually take it. I have had lots of encouragement that I will prevail however it's nerve wracking! I've got a lot counting on this, not to mention I don't want to pay 200 more dollars to do it again.
Other updates in case anyone cares:
FF never called me back last week. Haven't heard from him or his family since the phone call. Who knows what that means, but Ryan is confident that he's going to sign the papers and not do something stupid (like try to take me to court for custody or more visitation).
I leave for Mississippi on Friday to see my bestie and (hopefully) aide as labor coach/consultant. I will be there for almost 2 weeks-- the longest I've been away from my family in almost 4 years.
After I get back from MS--- we're getting married!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
After we get married, life will slow down a bit and I'm very much looking forward to it. :)
Last but not certainly least, I was honored to have my birthday on Memorial Day this year. Do not forget the past and present men and women who fight to keep our country safe including active duty, reserves, national guard, police, and firefighters. Freedom isn't free--- it is earned by the sacrifice of others. Thank you to those who serve.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Becoming a family part two: The Unknown
Today, we had an appointment with our lawyer. We drafted the form for FF for him to sign to his rights away to J and discussed the next steps. There are a lot of things we didn't realize; and now that we are actually trying to get the adoption going, there is the potential for more hiccups we didn't expect.
The jist of it is, even if FF signs his legal rights away on a piece of paper, he can change his mind several times in the process. The farther into the process it is, the harder it is, but still. We were under the impression that FF signing the "rights" papers regardless of where in the legal steps we were, it was absolute. We were wrong.
Also, we cannot do a contested adoption even if we wanted to. According to the lawyer in our county, we have to prove ZERO communication for at least one year or zero child support without good reason for one year. None of which applies to us as of yet.
So basically, we have to hope and pray that FF signs the paper and doesn't look back. And we won't be out of the woods for a long time. It sucks.
What we took from this, is half ass parenting is better than nothing. Great.
To top it off, FF is currently in our state visiting his parents. Didn't figure this out until last weekend and since we didn't hear from him about seeing J, we figured he didn't care/want to due to the legal proceedings.
Until today, a text message out of the blue. "Hey, I'm in town, can I see my son." (he also changed his number, I find that to be quite ironic). I put on my big girl panties and called him. All I have to say is, I have never used so much therapeutic communication/psych nursing skills in my life. Everything I say is some sort of confabulation of whatever he wants it to be. Big surprise but still.
As of yet, its up in the air now if he will sign the papers or not. But they're being sent to him next Tuesday or he can sign them here. Let's hope my conversation with him was enough for FF to get out of his delusional mind that parenting is full time or no time.
The sending message from this is, be careful who you procreate with. I know unfortunately, my story is not the only story of parents whose give a damn is in the wrong place. And the people who always lose is the kids.
The jist of it is, even if FF signs his legal rights away on a piece of paper, he can change his mind several times in the process. The farther into the process it is, the harder it is, but still. We were under the impression that FF signing the "rights" papers regardless of where in the legal steps we were, it was absolute. We were wrong.
Also, we cannot do a contested adoption even if we wanted to. According to the lawyer in our county, we have to prove ZERO communication for at least one year or zero child support without good reason for one year. None of which applies to us as of yet.
So basically, we have to hope and pray that FF signs the paper and doesn't look back. And we won't be out of the woods for a long time. It sucks.
What we took from this, is half ass parenting is better than nothing. Great.
To top it off, FF is currently in our state visiting his parents. Didn't figure this out until last weekend and since we didn't hear from him about seeing J, we figured he didn't care/want to due to the legal proceedings.
Until today, a text message out of the blue. "Hey, I'm in town, can I see my son." (he also changed his number, I find that to be quite ironic). I put on my big girl panties and called him. All I have to say is, I have never used so much therapeutic communication/psych nursing skills in my life. Everything I say is some sort of confabulation of whatever he wants it to be. Big surprise but still.
As of yet, its up in the air now if he will sign the papers or not. But they're being sent to him next Tuesday or he can sign them here. Let's hope my conversation with him was enough for FF to get out of his delusional mind that parenting is full time or no time.
The sending message from this is, be careful who you procreate with. I know unfortunately, my story is not the only story of parents whose give a damn is in the wrong place. And the people who always lose is the kids.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Becoming a family part 1
I've been waiting to openly share this for the past 2-3 months.
As most of you know, my ex husband, referred to as FF, is a half ass father to Jordan. He lives in a different state across the country and is married to the person he cheated on me with, Beaver. (he's also cheated on her too, she knows it, but they are still together) Beaver has admitted she wants nothing to do with kids. FF is sporadic on his calling, averages to be about once a month if that. He's got every excuse under the sun, none of which are his fault. In short, he doesn't care. We knew it but it wasn't until the events of the past couple months did his true colors shine bright.
In February, we found out that Jordan's insurance coverage through FF is a state specific only program. Meaning that the coverage he is basically only good in a state in which Jordan does not reside. FF, of course, had no idea. He can't change his plan until the first of the year. I wanted to compromise on the cost of possible medical expenses, in case they were to arise. His response could be summarized as "not my problem, I am doing my part, you voted for Obama, I pay you X amount of dollars in child support, eff you."
This was a drawing line for me. I've dealt with in the past four years his lack of care for his child. I was tired of him talking to me like trash when I've tried hard to be the bigger person. I visited the first round of lawyer. There wasn't alot lawyer could do about the lack of insurance that would be fixed in a reasonable amount of time. He suggested I call the plan personally and see if I could get more insight on the coverage. Luckily I got the information I needed and Jordan is basically covered in our state as well. That's beside the point.
The lawyer asked me why FF won't give up his rights and Ryan adopt him after we're married. No way would FF ever give up rights. I've asked him once, he declined. The lawyer discussed the pros and cons of a contested adoption. In either fashion, we'd have to be married to do an adoption, and, we later learned from a lawyer in our county, that it would be a 6 month waiting period after our nuptials.
After long and hard discussions, Ryan and I made plans to get married legally sooner rather than later. We expected to go the contested adoption route, with a basis of limited contact. We debated on asking FF to give up his rights, fully expecting that he would tell us to go to hell.
He texted me a series of hateful messages about an upcoming visit to Jordan. I told him I wasn't sure the timing was right (which is true, I was possibly considering taking him to another state to visit a friend for several weeks). FF cussed me out via text; I told Ryan that it was time to ask.
FF said he'd think about it. The next day, FF texted me and said he'd give up his rights as long as Jordan could still see his parents. Our jaws hit the floor. We later learned that this was about money; he does not want to pay child support. Giving up his rights is a financial gain.
So there you have it. Ryan and I are "eloping" to a neighboring state vineyard in which we've visited before and getting married on the 18th of June. No more January wedding. As soon as we're married, we are filing the paperwork for FF to sign his rights away. Once he signs it, there is no going back. As long as everything legally goes smoothly and timely, Ryan will have legal custody of Jordan; his last name will be his. In every sense of the word, the three of us will be a family.
As most of you know, my ex husband, referred to as FF, is a half ass father to Jordan. He lives in a different state across the country and is married to the person he cheated on me with, Beaver. (he's also cheated on her too, she knows it, but they are still together) Beaver has admitted she wants nothing to do with kids. FF is sporadic on his calling, averages to be about once a month if that. He's got every excuse under the sun, none of which are his fault. In short, he doesn't care. We knew it but it wasn't until the events of the past couple months did his true colors shine bright.
In February, we found out that Jordan's insurance coverage through FF is a state specific only program. Meaning that the coverage he is basically only good in a state in which Jordan does not reside. FF, of course, had no idea. He can't change his plan until the first of the year. I wanted to compromise on the cost of possible medical expenses, in case they were to arise. His response could be summarized as "not my problem, I am doing my part, you voted for Obama, I pay you X amount of dollars in child support, eff you."
This was a drawing line for me. I've dealt with in the past four years his lack of care for his child. I was tired of him talking to me like trash when I've tried hard to be the bigger person. I visited the first round of lawyer. There wasn't alot lawyer could do about the lack of insurance that would be fixed in a reasonable amount of time. He suggested I call the plan personally and see if I could get more insight on the coverage. Luckily I got the information I needed and Jordan is basically covered in our state as well. That's beside the point.
The lawyer asked me why FF won't give up his rights and Ryan adopt him after we're married. No way would FF ever give up rights. I've asked him once, he declined. The lawyer discussed the pros and cons of a contested adoption. In either fashion, we'd have to be married to do an adoption, and, we later learned from a lawyer in our county, that it would be a 6 month waiting period after our nuptials.
After long and hard discussions, Ryan and I made plans to get married legally sooner rather than later. We expected to go the contested adoption route, with a basis of limited contact. We debated on asking FF to give up his rights, fully expecting that he would tell us to go to hell.
He texted me a series of hateful messages about an upcoming visit to Jordan. I told him I wasn't sure the timing was right (which is true, I was possibly considering taking him to another state to visit a friend for several weeks). FF cussed me out via text; I told Ryan that it was time to ask.
FF said he'd think about it. The next day, FF texted me and said he'd give up his rights as long as Jordan could still see his parents. Our jaws hit the floor. We later learned that this was about money; he does not want to pay child support. Giving up his rights is a financial gain.
So there you have it. Ryan and I are "eloping" to a neighboring state vineyard in which we've visited before and getting married on the 18th of June. No more January wedding. As soon as we're married, we are filing the paperwork for FF to sign his rights away. Once he signs it, there is no going back. As long as everything legally goes smoothly and timely, Ryan will have legal custody of Jordan; his last name will be his. In every sense of the word, the three of us will be a family.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
A dream turns reality.
HAPPY NURSE'S WEEK!
I always wanted to be in health care. I knew it from a small child reading fictional stories about those facing illness and subsquently checking out medical texts in order to gain knowledge. Ten years ago, in high school, I said I would never be a nurse. I don't want to wipe butts all day and deal with the gross. However, as I got older and I gained defining moments in my life, my outlook changed. I aspired to be a nurse from my own labor and delivery experience. I truly saw what nurses do, patient advocacy. And when it was my turn to be advocated for, it impacted far beyond my imagination.
After my divorce, I was going to accomplish my goal to be a registered nurse. I enrolled at the local 4 year university, working full time, going to school full time, and being a parent. I worked hard to get into the nursing program and getting the acceptance letter in the mail was confirmation of all the hard work. While enrolled nursing school, I busted butt to get good grades and getting a summer externship opportunity at the downtown hospital where I was able to experience the labor and delivery unit first hand. I finished out the rest of my schooling, working as a patient care tech (aka nurse aide) on the L&D floor, in hopes to continue my employment there after graduation.
Fast forward to the current. I graduated nursing school with my bachelor's degree in April, magna cum laude. I have applied and interviewed for 4 jobs, three of which I was not selected. The last job I was waiting to hear from was the internship program at the downtown hospital. I desperately wanted the labor and delivery internship; a 20 week mentored program with a 2 year contract afterwards. I nailed the interview; by far the the best I've ever had. Boss lady said 3 weeks, but I was getting anxious. What if I was being over confident? Can you laugh too much in an interview? Maybe I should start applying for something else...
Until today. I was offered and accepted the labor & delivery internship at the downtown hospital. Everything I have worked for has paid off; big time. I about fell off my bed when the call came. The HR lady probably thought I was nutso. I am now sitting here, laughing and crying and shaking like a hormonal crazy woman because I still can't believe it.
My sending message from this, YOU can do whatever you set your mind to. It may not be your biggest dream, but YOU can make your life what you want. Go for your goals. It may be hard work; it may be a big change, but every experience will help you grow as a person. And looking back on where the past 4 years have brought me, I can honestly say I love my life, I love where I am going, and can't wait for more.
I always wanted to be in health care. I knew it from a small child reading fictional stories about those facing illness and subsquently checking out medical texts in order to gain knowledge. Ten years ago, in high school, I said I would never be a nurse. I don't want to wipe butts all day and deal with the gross. However, as I got older and I gained defining moments in my life, my outlook changed. I aspired to be a nurse from my own labor and delivery experience. I truly saw what nurses do, patient advocacy. And when it was my turn to be advocated for, it impacted far beyond my imagination.
After my divorce, I was going to accomplish my goal to be a registered nurse. I enrolled at the local 4 year university, working full time, going to school full time, and being a parent. I worked hard to get into the nursing program and getting the acceptance letter in the mail was confirmation of all the hard work. While enrolled nursing school, I busted butt to get good grades and getting a summer externship opportunity at the downtown hospital where I was able to experience the labor and delivery unit first hand. I finished out the rest of my schooling, working as a patient care tech (aka nurse aide) on the L&D floor, in hopes to continue my employment there after graduation.
Fast forward to the current. I graduated nursing school with my bachelor's degree in April, magna cum laude. I have applied and interviewed for 4 jobs, three of which I was not selected. The last job I was waiting to hear from was the internship program at the downtown hospital. I desperately wanted the labor and delivery internship; a 20 week mentored program with a 2 year contract afterwards. I nailed the interview; by far the the best I've ever had. Boss lady said 3 weeks, but I was getting anxious. What if I was being over confident? Can you laugh too much in an interview? Maybe I should start applying for something else...
Until today. I was offered and accepted the labor & delivery internship at the downtown hospital. Everything I have worked for has paid off; big time. I about fell off my bed when the call came. The HR lady probably thought I was nutso. I am now sitting here, laughing and crying and shaking like a hormonal crazy woman because I still can't believe it.
My sending message from this, YOU can do whatever you set your mind to. It may not be your biggest dream, but YOU can make your life what you want. Go for your goals. It may be hard work; it may be a big change, but every experience will help you grow as a person. And looking back on where the past 4 years have brought me, I can honestly say I love my life, I love where I am going, and can't wait for more.
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