Becoming a family part 1

I've been waiting to openly share this for the past 2-3 months.

As most of you know, my ex husband, referred to as FF, is a half ass father to Jordan. He lives in a different state across the country and is married to the person he cheated on me with, Beaver. (he's also cheated on her too, she knows it, but they are still together) Beaver has admitted she wants nothing to do with kids. FF is sporadic on his calling, averages to be about once a month if that. He's got every excuse under the sun, none of which are his fault. In short, he doesn't care. We knew it but it wasn't until the events of the past couple months did his true colors shine bright.

In February, we found out that Jordan's insurance coverage through FF is a state specific only program. Meaning that the coverage he is basically only good in a state in which Jordan does not reside. FF, of course, had no idea. He can't change his plan until the first of the year. I wanted to compromise on the cost of possible medical expenses, in case they were to arise. His response could be summarized as "not my problem, I am doing my part, you voted for Obama, I pay you X amount of dollars in child support, eff you."

This was a drawing line for me. I've dealt with in the past four years his lack of care for his child. I was tired of him talking to me like trash when I've tried hard to be the bigger person. I visited the first round of lawyer. There wasn't alot lawyer could do about the lack of insurance that would be fixed in a reasonable amount of time. He suggested I call the plan personally and see if I could get more insight on the coverage. Luckily I got the information I needed and Jordan is basically covered in our state as well. That's beside the point.

The lawyer asked me why FF won't give up his rights and Ryan adopt him after we're married. No way would FF ever give up rights. I've asked him once, he declined. The lawyer discussed the pros and cons of a contested adoption. In either fashion, we'd have to be married to do an adoption, and, we later learned from a lawyer in our county, that it would be a 6 month waiting period after our nuptials.

After long and hard discussions, Ryan and I made plans to get married legally sooner rather than later. We expected to go the contested adoption route, with a basis of limited contact. We debated on asking FF to give up his rights, fully expecting that he would tell us to go to hell.

He texted me a series of hateful messages about an upcoming visit to Jordan. I told him I wasn't sure the timing was right (which is true, I was possibly considering taking him to another state to visit a friend for several weeks). FF cussed me out via text; I told Ryan that it was time to ask.

FF said he'd think about it. The next day, FF texted me and said he'd give up his rights as long as Jordan could still see his parents. Our jaws hit the floor. We later learned that this was about money; he does not want to pay child support. Giving up his rights is a financial gain.

So there you have it. Ryan and I are "eloping" to a neighboring state vineyard in which we've visited before and getting married on the 18th of June. No more January wedding. As soon as we're married, we are filing the paperwork for FF to sign his rights away. Once he signs it, there is no going back. As long as everything legally goes smoothly and timely, Ryan will have legal custody of Jordan; his last name will be his. In every sense of the word, the three of us will be a family.