The Reader's Digest Version of Thankfulness

Many people do month of November "day of thankfulness"; you know, the one where every day of November, the Facebook status contains what they are thankful for. Some are heartfelt, some are funny, and some are... well... stupid. I confess I have participated in such an activity in previous years, however, this year I decided to not "clog up the feed" with them and just make a list of a few biggies. 

First and foremost, I am thankful for my son. Yes, he drives to crazy. Yes, he pushes every button he can possibly find. But, I don't know where my life would be without him. That's the joy of parenthood. "Can't with live 'em, can't live without 'em". Jordan has been the motivation for everything I have accomplished. He's smart, funny, wild, and super snuggly. (I love that he still enjoys hugs, kisses, and cuddles.) Not to mention, he's pretty darn cute (which saves him on many occasion). 

Secondly, my husband. He is my rock. He has brought me through so many struggles over the past two and half years. I am thankful he stands by me through and through. I could go on and on about what he brings to my life, but we wouldn't want him to get a big(ger) head now would we? ;-)  

I can speak for pretty much everyone when I say, I am SO thankful for the adoption. January 10th is our last court hearing and after that, it's signed, sealed, delivered. I like to think of that day as the final step of ridding ourselves of complete douchery. 

I am thankful for my JOB! One, I have a job, period. Two, it's EXACTLY where I want to be. I've had the best mentors to learn from. I've gotten to change lives, literally and figuratively. It has been my icing on the cake after all the hard work the four hellacious years of  nursing school. (side note- also very thankful to be DONE with schooling, formally and for the present.) 

Family and friends. All the support we've received and continue to receive through this HUGE life-changing year for us. Y'all are the backbone to what makes our life work. 

Wine. Coffee. Chocolate. In that order.

And of course, all the standard things: life, health, the roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on our back, running water etc. Those seem "standard" to us but there are so many that go without one or more of those things.

May your bellies be full. May the time spent be cherished. And may the food comas be long and worthwhile. Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving! :)

Week 13

Ahh... the end of week 13. What does that mean to anyone other than myself? It means that I have 6 weeks left of my internship at work. I will be "on my own" as they say, meaning without another nurse precepting me.

Me. By myself. Completely responsible for 2 lives: a patient that can talk to me (the mom -- at least they better be!!!) and a patient that can't (the baby). It's scary to think that I should have enough knowledge to be independent. It's scary to not have that blanket of security. It will be the first time I am THE NURSE. (not that I'm not now, but I will be the only one for that patient.)

Some days I feel like-- hell yes, I got this. I am really making headway with my skills and critical thinking. I've figured out the "little things" like how to work the equipment, where to chart what where, what all is within my scope of practice (L&D nurses have quite a bit of autonomy), etc. I even had a student nurse, who I actually knew, from my college with me on one of my c/sections this week. Not only was I independent in my practice, I was able to answer her questions and share my knowledge. . It was an awesome feeling and also weird having been a student less than 6 months ago. I really do know a lot.

Other days, I go home thinking "what the hell am I doing?". I just wasted 40K and 4 years of my life learning to do something I ultimately SUCK at. Yes, I know this is normal for new nurses to feel like this. But some days I feel like the only person whose ever felt this way. It doesn't help that I am overly critical on myself and have perfectionist tendencies. Those are all fantastic qualities in a nurse (nobody wants a half-ass nurse), however, it doesn't leave a lot of room for a new grad to get over the "rookie crazies".

Then I remember on the bad days, all the lives I have got to make a difference in. All the beautiful babies born. All the opportunities to share in a patient's special moment. There has been so many experiences, both good and bad. I am lucky to not only have a job, but a job in the field that I am most passionate about.

Bring on the next 6 weeks.

The year of change

It's not even near December yet this year has been the year of change for all of us. Brenda graduated in the spring and started her new job. We got married. I've got a new job and by the end of the year J will now have a new last name.

Yep, I'm leaving my current employer and moving to what will hopefully be greener pastures with a company downtown and closer to us. I'll be a Linux systems administrator for the new company and am rather excited to be getting back in to systems administration. It's always been the direction I have wanted to take my career in. So basically I'll get to be a big geek everyday and work on some really tough but cool problems. Much better than fixing someone's printer all the time.

While Brenda has posted about it several times I can't tell you how excited I am about the adoption. We had our hearing today that lasted all of 20 minutes and 10 of that was the judge telling us what was going to happen. The judge asked a few questions of  us that seemed to be confirming what the investigator had written and then gave us unexpected news.  The adoption would be final in 3 months not the 6 that we thought it would be. Since this was an interlocutory hearing FF can't do anything now to stop the process unless fraud was involved, which we know isn't the case. So it looks like J's name will be changing at the beginning of the year. He's been very excited about it and was great during the hearing. The court gave J a challenge coin that the judge had specifically made for adoption cases for the children. He didn't really understand what it was for, just that it was cool and it was for him. We'll explain it to him when he gets older and we talk more about what happened.

Adoption Update

We had the "investigation" last week with the county probate social worker. She prepped up beforehand that this was a very painless part of the process and that all she was going to do is ask us some questions. Having never done this before, we both expected it be a grilling q&a about our lives in addition to observation in our habitat and a tour of our clean, safe environment. None of this actually happened. She came in, sat down on the couch and asked general questions about our lives such as "how did you meet?", "what do you do and do you like it?", "how long have you lived together?" etc etc. We also were given some insight to hearing proceedings. I am most concerned about what the judge might ask Jordan in relation to FF. At this particular time J pretty much has no idea who FF is and Ryan is the only dad he knows exists. The social worker gave us some examples of what might be asked however, I am still nervous about what questions with arise from Jordan after the hearing. After that, she packed up and left, didn't even go past the couch. The "investigation" went 110% better than we expected. We looked like the perfect American family (instead of the crazy jacked up one we really are HAHA). Ryan and I sat close on the couch together, laughing and talking comfortably with her while Jordan quietly played legos on the floor in front of us. On cue, J would chime in with a cute response in our conversation. Investigation= nailed.

Our court date was supposed to be the 12th of September but unfortunately had to be changed due to a missing part of the process. Ryan has to have a background check (state and federal) returned to the court before the hearing takes place. This apparently is a new part of the adoption process that the judge recently instated and our lawyer was unaware of the addition. Since it takes 1-2 weeks for the background check to come back, the date was moved back two weeks. We both are really upset about having to change the date. I am ready to be 99.9% rid of FF once and for all. We are ready to get this show on the road. . In my irrationality, I always fear that FF will change his mind right before the hearing. I know in my mind that its highly unlikely of that occurring, but you never know.

In conclusion, I have a rant about what people say when they hear about the adoption. I am getting a lot of "this is the best thing he (FF) is doing for him (J)" and "he (FF) is doing the right thing" etc. Let's be clear about something. FF is NOT doing this for Jordan's best interest. Yes, it's in Jordan's best interest, and we're very thankful that FF is peacing out. However, these comments make me feel like FF is a good guy for doing this. He is still gave up on "his" child. He cared more about his financial gain than to fight for a relationship with "his" son. Maybe that's the bitter part of me coming out. I just don't like FF; anything that remotely sounds like he's a good person makes me want to hurl. Rant over. :)

2 weeks until the hearing!!! Can't wait!!!! :)

We have a Kindergartener!

Its hard to believe that our son is off to "the big leagues" of kindergarten-- class of 2026!

We've been talking to Jordan all summer about this very day, the first day of kindergarten. So it wasn't a surprise when he woke up at 6am, ready to go to school. (which didn't start for 2 and half hours) He didn't understand why he couldn't go now, usually when he's up for daycare, he can go whenever he's ready.

We got him ready to go. I took several pictures with the cute sign I made. (I'm pretty proud of it-- this momma is NOT a crafter) Jordan loved the sign.

We walked him to classroom. Other kids started piling in, most of them looked scared out of their minds. Not our son; he was practically bouncing out of the seats ready to start this mysterious kindergarten. His teacher, Mrs. Coleman, is awesome; has been teaching kindergarten for a long time. When we did the screening last week, she beamed about Jordan's learning assessment score: 27 out of 29, commenting about how smart he was. Well, we all already knew that ;)

Many parents were crying and some were hard to "let go of their babies". Not us--- we're like "bye, see ya-- have fun!" Guess we're not the overly emotional attached to our kids type. We're excited for our son to learn and grow. We just hope he doesn't assault anyone... :P

Readjusting to Adult Life

Hi Ho Hi Ho its back to work I go!

Ryan and I are adjusting from the 6 week break I took from the after graduation/before big girl working job. During the 6 week break, I've been home all day, cooking dinner, and no obligations except to make sure my son is still breathing. Now, its back to 12 hour shifts; this time mostly in the 11am to 11pm time frame.

As a new grad, I have a 20 week mentored experience (internship) in the labor and delivery at the downtown hospital. So far, I LOVE IT (big surprise haha). I am getting a lot of good experiences, meeting a lot of interesting families, and getting to see a baby take its first breath--- priceless. My preceptor is also awesome with more than a decade of L&D experience and its easy to ask her questions. I have LOTS to learn but I am looking forward to every minute of it!

And so far, I've only birthed boys. No girls yet :) I got this beauty from a patient's family...

 

 

 Its been difficult getting back into the swing of two working parents routine again. Jordan seems unphased by it, which is good. Its the game of who's picking J up, what about dinner?, can we do xyz on this day? We're working through our struggles and slowly getting into a routine. Oh and the paycheck is nice :)

In other news, we have received our court date for the adoption for mid-September. If the hearing goes in our favor (which there shouldn't be any hang-ups), the adoption will be final mid-March. (its not final right away, there is a 6 month waiting period between the hearing and finalization). Did I mention we can't wait!!?!?!?!?!?!!? :)

Slowly but surely, everything is falling in to place. My graduation, our wedding, the adoption, the nursing job of my dreams. Our lives aren't perfect, but we're making the most of every moment.

3 weeks of rambled catch-up

I've had 3 weeks off before starting big girl nursing job on Tuesday. First off, I can't wait to start working. I have to hand it to moms or dads who stay at home with their kids, because I'd go crazy (and Jordan's still going to daycare due to technicalities. Sad.) I am so excited to get the opportunity at my dream job, right out of school. I GET TO DELIVER BABIES!!! :) I am really looking forward to learning and growing in my profession and can't wait to see what my career has in store for me.

What have I been doing for 3 weeks? Drinking wine, obviously. I've made a slight dent in my 66 bottles of wine. But we already assumed I'd be doing that so....

I've been spending time with Jordan: playing games with him after school, playing outside, watching movies, reading books and such. I can't believe he's going to be five on Monday. Where does the time go? He's so stinking smart too; its sad that he outsmarts us. Looks like we better get used to that. We are really trying to work on his social and emotional intelligence and get him prepped for kindergarten in August. I think going to Kindergarten will be a good change for him; challenging him intellectually as well as a difference in routine other than the daycare bit (even though we love them,  we think J's rather bored)

Other than being Mom to Jordan, I've really been rather hermit-y. Reading, beating levels of Candy Crush, cooking, renewing my ass dent on the couch, and running around getting errands done. This is the first time in 4 years I feel I've got to really chill and I've tried to enjoy it as much as I can. (interpretation: lazy as possible)

Adoption news: The lawyer has a rough draft started in the adoption filing process. The three of us (Ryan, myself and Jordan, but mostly Jordan) have decided to change his middle name in addition to his last name. The final decision was left to Jordan, even though he's five, we thought his input was important. (his current middle name is from his biologic contributor) We should have the final draft to sign in the next couple of weeks--- then off to the courthouse to file and get a hearing!!

We've also had to involve CSEA in regards to child support, since FF has decided to be a douche bag about it. (big surprise). Legally, he still has to pay up until the adoption is final (6 months from the hearing); of course he threw a fit. I've tried to work with him and compromise, he doesn't want to work with me-- so I will win in the end. It's not about money for us, it's about the principle of the matter. It's going to be a long process since its inter-state but he's in for a rude awakening. I warned him ;)  

That's about it for now.

Oh and... I love being his wife ;)  << still not used to that!