Kindergarten Troubles

As many of you know and experience first hand, our son is quite the active kid. That's putting it mildly. While we love that about him (and wish to bottle up the energy and make millions), it makes it challenging as a parent. Add strong willed. Add high intellect. And cute! We're in for it for sure.

The past 2 plus years, we've been dealing with behavioral issues in the classroom in addition to at home. When he was in daycare/preschool last year when he was 4, the issues were at the height of awful. Refusal to listen to adults. Impulsive. "Intelligent but socially and emotionally immature." Hitting. Tantrums. Manipulative. Wild. And it goes on. Sounded a lot like me when I was a kid. And I also loved blaming his biologic contributor, because inherent douchery reigns through DNA. We thought he was acting out of boredom because he learns things so fast. We were hoping kindergarten would give him the stimuli and structure to keep his attention.

And it did. For a little bit.

Around October, his teacher voiced concerns about his behavior. He sits at a desk by himself because he can't sit with others without being all over the place. He is not allowed to have certain school supplies at his desk because he uses them inappropriately. He rarely walks, its usually a sprint. He does not shut up. She said talk to his pediatrician. I talk to his pediatrician, he says have her call me. Due to miscommunication, that doesn't happen.

I didn't really want to get his pediatrician involved. While his behavior is not acceptable (and believe me, we are not the parents that let our kid rule the roost), it wasn't everyday. In my mind, means that there isn't anything diagnosable wrong because I am convinced that's who he is. I see so much of myself in him and I turned out ok, right? Isn't he too young? Not to mention my soap box of "not every kid has something wrong with them, let's chill out on slapping meds on kids here". (that's another lecture I like to call "Society and the Pharmaceutical Band-Aid")

Then last week, he gets kicked off the bus for 3 days for not sitting in the seat, screaming for no reason, kicking the window, and not listening to the bus driver. That was a real eye opener for us. Not only is his bus behavior unsafe, it also causes quite a dent in my sleeping if I have to drop him off and pick him up.

Now before you say anything-- We absolutely talk to him about his behavior. We've tried almost discipline method under the sun. We've tried reward systems in which he's manipulated and/or doesn't care about. Of course we spank him. All of this doesn't work. Doesn't mean we don't do them, but it doesn't change anything.

I finally broke down and actually looked up ADHD. What the DSM criteria is. Jordan meets them all. Every single one. I called his pediatrician. Pediatrician talked to his teacher. We're now in the process of evaluation for a diagnosis. It pains me greatly. Not at the possibility of something "being wrong with him". Of the label. Of the medication and side effects (especially that). Of what if we're wrong. What if this doesn't work.

I greatly despise the label of ADHD because it seems like every kid is on Ritalin or stimulants of some sort. The stories I've heard of all the bad stuff like parents using ADHD meds to improve their kids focus during sports(of course we would not do that); pediatricians not properly evaluating their patients; teachers pushing for medications for their students. I am completely jaded, still am, and probably always will be.  But I'm trying really hard to push that aside because this is what he needs. I'm scared on what this means but we want our son to be successful. I hope this all leads to a better road for Jordan.   

Becoming at family part 4: It's final!!!

We've been waiting for this day since February of last year. I can't believe this has been a year in the making, but it's finally over.

I've read back on my previous blog posts and remember exactly how we felt at the beginning of the adoption: scared, nervous, excited. So many what ifs. What would people say? Would he actually give up his rights? How long will this take? What will Jordan think?

Now a year later, those questions have clearly been answered.

The final hearing was short, sweet and to the point. The lawyer really didn't know what was going to happen because this was different than how the last judge did things. We go into the court room. The judge basically says, "Hey, has anything changed between now and September?". Nope. "Ok, well does he know what these whole proceedings mean?" Lawyer chimes in: "He's excited to change his name." Judge asks Jordan what he wants his name to be. J says it oh so cutely. Warms the judge's heart visibly. Judge says have a great life, it's final, peace. (ok, not like that but close). Signed. Sealed. Done.

Jordan is so excited to have his name changed. He told everyone yesterday at school he was being adopted today. I woke up this morning to "Bye Mom! See ya at the adoption! I'm going to change my name!" I'm so glad we made the decision to include him on the name choice. Jordan loves his new name, well... until we yell it when he's in trouble (already done, less than 8 hours of finality.)

We went immediately to change whatever we could of his name. Social Security. Check. School. Check. We will get a Hawaii birth certificate hopefully within two months. (It's weird that Ryan will have his name on a birth certificate in a state he's never stepped foot on--- immaculate conception!? HAHA) Insurances will be dealt with on Monday. The sooner we change everything, the better.

I've wanted this the minute I met Ryan. We're a family in every sense of the word minus a few pesky DNA (which really isn't that great anyway.)

Thank you to everyone who has supported us through this journey. We couldn't have done it without y'all!

A Year In Review: 2013

2013 was a year I couldn't wait for. Now looking back, it's been everything I've waited for and more. That's not to say that it was perfect, but it definitely exceeded expectations. I am not sure if 2014 can beat it... :)

Here are the high lights:

Last Semester of Nursing School. Graduation. Passing my NCLEX. Starting my first job, conveniently in my specialty of choice. Learning how to be a nurse, for real this time. (and will be constantly learning from here on out!)

c/o Heather Heiney photography

Getting married. Jordan's adoption. All the fun times as a family.

Ryan starting a new job. A much better job in a company that treats their employees with appreciation and respect (rare it seems in this day and age).  

[insert picture of Ryan being a geek]

 

Adding Spangle the cat to the family.





c/o Heather Heiney photography

My besties visiting. Both of them, at the same time. Going to Mississippi to be there for Heather while giving birth to her first child.

Jordan starting Kindergarten.

... and in 2014 we are looking forward to so much!

Buying our first house.
Jordan surviving kindergarten and most of first grade.
... maybe having another kid. I said maybe. LOL
Continuing to grow in our professions.
More fun times with family and friends.
And of course, the adoption being final! Cannot wait for Jordan's name to change :)


Peace out 2013. It's been real.

The Reader's Digest Version of Thankfulness

Many people do month of November "day of thankfulness"; you know, the one where every day of November, the Facebook status contains what they are thankful for. Some are heartfelt, some are funny, and some are... well... stupid. I confess I have participated in such an activity in previous years, however, this year I decided to not "clog up the feed" with them and just make a list of a few biggies. 

First and foremost, I am thankful for my son. Yes, he drives to crazy. Yes, he pushes every button he can possibly find. But, I don't know where my life would be without him. That's the joy of parenthood. "Can't with live 'em, can't live without 'em". Jordan has been the motivation for everything I have accomplished. He's smart, funny, wild, and super snuggly. (I love that he still enjoys hugs, kisses, and cuddles.) Not to mention, he's pretty darn cute (which saves him on many occasion). 

Secondly, my husband. He is my rock. He has brought me through so many struggles over the past two and half years. I am thankful he stands by me through and through. I could go on and on about what he brings to my life, but we wouldn't want him to get a big(ger) head now would we? ;-)  

I can speak for pretty much everyone when I say, I am SO thankful for the adoption. January 10th is our last court hearing and after that, it's signed, sealed, delivered. I like to think of that day as the final step of ridding ourselves of complete douchery. 

I am thankful for my JOB! One, I have a job, period. Two, it's EXACTLY where I want to be. I've had the best mentors to learn from. I've gotten to change lives, literally and figuratively. It has been my icing on the cake after all the hard work the four hellacious years of  nursing school. (side note- also very thankful to be DONE with schooling, formally and for the present.) 

Family and friends. All the support we've received and continue to receive through this HUGE life-changing year for us. Y'all are the backbone to what makes our life work. 

Wine. Coffee. Chocolate. In that order.

And of course, all the standard things: life, health, the roof over our heads, food on the table, clothes on our back, running water etc. Those seem "standard" to us but there are so many that go without one or more of those things.

May your bellies be full. May the time spent be cherished. And may the food comas be long and worthwhile. Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving! :)

Week 13

Ahh... the end of week 13. What does that mean to anyone other than myself? It means that I have 6 weeks left of my internship at work. I will be "on my own" as they say, meaning without another nurse precepting me.

Me. By myself. Completely responsible for 2 lives: a patient that can talk to me (the mom -- at least they better be!!!) and a patient that can't (the baby). It's scary to think that I should have enough knowledge to be independent. It's scary to not have that blanket of security. It will be the first time I am THE NURSE. (not that I'm not now, but I will be the only one for that patient.)

Some days I feel like-- hell yes, I got this. I am really making headway with my skills and critical thinking. I've figured out the "little things" like how to work the equipment, where to chart what where, what all is within my scope of practice (L&D nurses have quite a bit of autonomy), etc. I even had a student nurse, who I actually knew, from my college with me on one of my c/sections this week. Not only was I independent in my practice, I was able to answer her questions and share my knowledge. . It was an awesome feeling and also weird having been a student less than 6 months ago. I really do know a lot.

Other days, I go home thinking "what the hell am I doing?". I just wasted 40K and 4 years of my life learning to do something I ultimately SUCK at. Yes, I know this is normal for new nurses to feel like this. But some days I feel like the only person whose ever felt this way. It doesn't help that I am overly critical on myself and have perfectionist tendencies. Those are all fantastic qualities in a nurse (nobody wants a half-ass nurse), however, it doesn't leave a lot of room for a new grad to get over the "rookie crazies".

Then I remember on the bad days, all the lives I have got to make a difference in. All the beautiful babies born. All the opportunities to share in a patient's special moment. There has been so many experiences, both good and bad. I am lucky to not only have a job, but a job in the field that I am most passionate about.

Bring on the next 6 weeks.

The year of change

It's not even near December yet this year has been the year of change for all of us. Brenda graduated in the spring and started her new job. We got married. I've got a new job and by the end of the year J will now have a new last name.

Yep, I'm leaving my current employer and moving to what will hopefully be greener pastures with a company downtown and closer to us. I'll be a Linux systems administrator for the new company and am rather excited to be getting back in to systems administration. It's always been the direction I have wanted to take my career in. So basically I'll get to be a big geek everyday and work on some really tough but cool problems. Much better than fixing someone's printer all the time.

While Brenda has posted about it several times I can't tell you how excited I am about the adoption. We had our hearing today that lasted all of 20 minutes and 10 of that was the judge telling us what was going to happen. The judge asked a few questions of  us that seemed to be confirming what the investigator had written and then gave us unexpected news.  The adoption would be final in 3 months not the 6 that we thought it would be. Since this was an interlocutory hearing FF can't do anything now to stop the process unless fraud was involved, which we know isn't the case. So it looks like J's name will be changing at the beginning of the year. He's been very excited about it and was great during the hearing. The court gave J a challenge coin that the judge had specifically made for adoption cases for the children. He didn't really understand what it was for, just that it was cool and it was for him. We'll explain it to him when he gets older and we talk more about what happened.

Adoption Update

We had the "investigation" last week with the county probate social worker. She prepped up beforehand that this was a very painless part of the process and that all she was going to do is ask us some questions. Having never done this before, we both expected it be a grilling q&a about our lives in addition to observation in our habitat and a tour of our clean, safe environment. None of this actually happened. She came in, sat down on the couch and asked general questions about our lives such as "how did you meet?", "what do you do and do you like it?", "how long have you lived together?" etc etc. We also were given some insight to hearing proceedings. I am most concerned about what the judge might ask Jordan in relation to FF. At this particular time J pretty much has no idea who FF is and Ryan is the only dad he knows exists. The social worker gave us some examples of what might be asked however, I am still nervous about what questions with arise from Jordan after the hearing. After that, she packed up and left, didn't even go past the couch. The "investigation" went 110% better than we expected. We looked like the perfect American family (instead of the crazy jacked up one we really are HAHA). Ryan and I sat close on the couch together, laughing and talking comfortably with her while Jordan quietly played legos on the floor in front of us. On cue, J would chime in with a cute response in our conversation. Investigation= nailed.

Our court date was supposed to be the 12th of September but unfortunately had to be changed due to a missing part of the process. Ryan has to have a background check (state and federal) returned to the court before the hearing takes place. This apparently is a new part of the adoption process that the judge recently instated and our lawyer was unaware of the addition. Since it takes 1-2 weeks for the background check to come back, the date was moved back two weeks. We both are really upset about having to change the date. I am ready to be 99.9% rid of FF once and for all. We are ready to get this show on the road. . In my irrationality, I always fear that FF will change his mind right before the hearing. I know in my mind that its highly unlikely of that occurring, but you never know.

In conclusion, I have a rant about what people say when they hear about the adoption. I am getting a lot of "this is the best thing he (FF) is doing for him (J)" and "he (FF) is doing the right thing" etc. Let's be clear about something. FF is NOT doing this for Jordan's best interest. Yes, it's in Jordan's best interest, and we're very thankful that FF is peacing out. However, these comments make me feel like FF is a good guy for doing this. He is still gave up on "his" child. He cared more about his financial gain than to fight for a relationship with "his" son. Maybe that's the bitter part of me coming out. I just don't like FF; anything that remotely sounds like he's a good person makes me want to hurl. Rant over. :)

2 weeks until the hearing!!! Can't wait!!!! :)