Madelynn's birth story and 6 week update

I can't believe I am writing this 6 weeks later! Such is life with a newborn... but anyway... :) I've had a couple requests for a birth story so here we go.

As a labor nurse, I can tell you 9 million ways the birth of baby can go wrong. I can't say I've seen it all (no L&D nurse has) but I've seen enough for me to worry about many possible outcomes. Even worse, my previous birth experience with my son had me going straight to the OR for a c-section. Needless to say -- especially towards the end of my pregnancy-- my nerves were high. 

My "birth plan" (oh how I hate those words!) was to go for a VBAC; a vaginal birth after a c-section. I was a good candidate for it because my c-section was for decelerations in Jordan's heart rate.

The midwife, MC, offered to induce me the weekend just before my due date. My ankles were swollen to the point of not being able to wear shoes. She strongly urged me to stop working. I really wanted to go into labor on my own like I did with Jordan but I was also scared to wait to be too much past my due date.  But I didn't want to use my time off to wait for baby either. 

I weighed my options. I asked MC point blank questions -- did she really think I could do this? My chances were as good as anyone. Against what I'd tell anyone else in my shoes-- I went for the induction. Hell, I could have a c-section regardless of what I chose so why not? I trusted my provider and went with my gut.

Friday evening, I went into triage for a foley bulb. My cervix was 1 cm. The foley bulb would get me to 3-4 and eventually fall out. Unless I went into labor or my water broke, I was to come in at 10am the morning regardless if it fell out or not. I also got an Ambien in hopes to pass out. Around 2am, the bulb came out. Not one damn contraction. And I was wide awake after that even with Ambien on board.  The next morning I went into L&D to assess the next game plan. After getting settled in, MC checked my cervix: 3/70/-2. She recommended Pitocin since I haven't had any contractions. I hoped I didn't need much. My nurse adjusted the pit accordingly and I started having contractions that felt mild to me. Four hours later MC checked my cervix 4/70/-1 and recommended breaking my water. I asked for my epidural first. After the magical numbness set in, she broke my water and the pit game continued. A couple hours later, she checked again and my cervix was the same and there was some molding on baby's head. I started to worry, well more so than before.  I had made the wrong decision. MC put in an IUPC to measure the contractions internally and to better manage the pitocin. A couple more hours go by, another check and I'm at 6cm. Progress! I was strongly encouraged to rest. Ryan and I get settled in to try and sleep. An hour later around 1130pm, I start noticing some pressure. Ok that's good. Then a few minutes later, I notice the pressure isn't going away. I was 6cm an hour ago... This is a good sign of progress. My nurse comes in to reposition me, and I mention the pressure. I told her it was probably nothing but she convinced me to have her check my cervix. Her face when she checked, I knew immediately what was up. I started to cry. I couldn't believe it; I was complete, 10cm. Half the battle was done. MC was notified and I was positioned to labor down in hopes to let gravity do it's thing. An hour later, MC comes in, checks my cervix and says lets try pushing. I started pushing around 1245. She had me switch positions a lot because the baby was having variable decels during contractions. (which indicates cord compression-- more than likely around the baby's neck). I pushed for about an hour and a half. Towards the end, you could hear how deep the baby's heart rate abruptly dropped (variable decel) with each contraction. The last couple pushes she counseled me on calling Dr. H for the use of a vacuum to assist with delivery. That gave me motivation to push harder and I finally got the head out. She unwrapped the umbilical cord around the neck and had me reach down to grab our baby and pull her ontop of my chest. Our baby was born at 2:14am on November 16th, 2014; 7lbs 3oz,  19  & 1/2 inches.

Epidurals rock!

My hubs- the support person :)

Our baby is here!

We didn't find out the gender prior to birth. I was absolutely convinced our baby was a boy. (although I really really really wanted a girl) Ryan on the other hand was convinced our baby was a girl. I couldn't wait for that special moment at delivery to find out what we were having. After I pulled the baby up on my chest, I immediately looked in between the legs. I saw girl parts--- It's a GIRL! I said "Oh my gosh, you're right -- it's a girl! You're never right!!" That moment can't be described accurately with words. It's the coolest, most memorable moment of my life. Both Ryan and I were crying and laughing and just over the moon. We also had not revealed any names to anyone- Madelynn Elizabeth- which we were also excited to finally tell people.

The rest of the delivery and recovery was a breeze. I didn't have any tears or any pain at all. My post partum stay was also uneventful for myself and Madelynn -- except for the expected sleep deprivation haha. We went home two days later.

We had the most amazing experience. I got the vaginal delivery I wanted-- I still can't believe I did it! With the exception of the fetal heart tracing at the end, everything was complication and relatively pain free. I had an excellent provider I could trust 100%, awesome nurses (who also happen to be my coworkers ;) ), and the best support person (my husband) anyone could ask for.

Here we are 6 weeks later. My recovery has been a snap. So much different than a c-section for sure. Minus getting only 2-3 hours of sleep an night, I feel back to normal. We're figuring out Madelynn; she's been a pretty easy baby so far. Breastfeeding has been relatively easy except for battling something I've never heard of-- overactive letdown/oversupply. Ryan jokingly calls it "here come's the fire hose" It causes painful gas, projectile spit up, and some difficulty voiding. (Look it up, it's actually interesting). Some days its better, some days it isn't. But she's got a pleasant demeanor and is growing like a weed. Her 1 month visit she weighed 9lbs 13.5 oz and 20 & 3/4 inches long. So, we're doing something right. Jordan loves her to pieces. He always telling her he loves her and that she's a princess. He helps and "helps" with things. He loves being a big brother. I think he's took the transition with her home well.

Here we are on Thanksgiving :)

Our beautiful children 

All in all, I am thankful to have had everything go well. No pregnancy, delivery, or recovery complications. I have a beautiful baby girl, a handsome 6 year old, and a loving husband. I couldn't ask for anything else! (except more sleep! haha)  ... Did I mention I'm tired? ;)

Happy 1st Anniversary!

We made it a whole year! :)

They say the first year is the hardest. Looking back, even through all the big changes, I wouldn't call it the "hard". I started my career, we finalized the adoption, Jordan in kindergarten, Ryan's changed jobs, house hunting and finishing up the paper work to close on a house, and of course, the conception of our second child.

... And that's just the first year ;)

We've had a great year. Challenging but rewarding. We've learned a lot as a couple and as a family. The second year I am sure to be just as challenging with the changes to come but I've got a great partner in this ride of life. The first year is proof of that.

Anyhow, for our anniversary we decided to take a trip to Washington D.C. Out of all our getaways, this one was by far the least relaxing but still fun. Ryan and I stayed at a bed and breakfast (our usual type of lodging) in Dupont Circle; 12 blocks from the White House. The location was perfect for catching public transportation both the bus and the metro train. We took advantage of public transpo but even with that there was quite a bit of walking.

The first day we went to the Air and Space Museum and the Natural History Museum. Between the two, the Air and Space wins. We also ate at a fantastic BBQ place that smelled of heaven and meat. We (well more me) were so exhausted from the first two museums that we went back to the B&B and took a snooze. Ate a late dinner at a local hamburger joint then crashed again for the night. Day two we went to Arlington National Cemetery where we saw the changing of the guard ceremony at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. After changing of the guard, there was a wreath ceremony which neither one of us knew they did. Also at Arlington we saw the Nurse's Memorial and the Women's Service memorial. After Arlington, we hopped a train to see the Pentagon memorial from 9/11. It was beautiful but also very sad. The next stop was the National Archives to see all the important documents. Finally, we went on the outskirts of DC to eat at a pizza place featured on a food network show (Diners, Drive ins, & Dives). SO Good. Definitely worth the longer transit to get there. Day three consisted of most of the memorials/monuments (we missed the Vietnam Memorial) which took most of the day.

Our legs were sore from the walking. We easily burnt of any calories we ate during the trip. Both of us got burnt despite trying to keep shaded and using sunscreen. But we got to see a lot and eat at delicious places. All in all, a good trip and look forward to the next time we can get away. :)  

Happy Anniversary to Ryan and I! :)

Trimester 1

As many of you now know, Ryan and I are expecting our second child. Ryan's first "from start to finish" as he likes to call it. We are very fortunate (and a little surprised) to get pregnant right away. When they say instant return to fertility after an IUD removal--- they weren't joking! haha

I am so glad to be out of the first trimester. For most people, the first 12 weeks aren't fun and while mine could have been much worse; I am glad its behind me. I never vomited thankfully however, everything I ate or drank (including water) made me feel nauseous with heartburn/indigestion feeling. I tried all the tricks I could think of that weren't medicine but nothing worked. At my first appointment, I was offered Zofran or the like but declined because I felt the "ickies" as something more of a nuisance than worth the medication. And boy was I tired 24/7. Working night shift probably made it 100 times worse even though I got plenty of sleep day and nights I was off. While some caffeine is encouraged, the thought of coffee or soda was unappealing. The first 5-10 weeks were the worst for all the symptoms and looking back, feels like a blur. I am so fortunate for my husband who has (and continues to) step up with taking care of Jordan and the household.

We decided not to tell many people including Jordan until closer to the end of the first trimester with the exception of our besties. And well, the majority of my coworkers found out pretty early. Kinda hard to hide looking like death for weeks on end without some sort of explanation. Besides, in our line of work, I feel like we can sniff out these kinds of things ;) (not to mention my poker face sucks). We told Jordan the week before Easter by reading him the shirt we got him to announce the pregnancy. He was a little surprised at first (we've been talking about the hypothetical sibling for a while) but then was excited once it hit him. He's been asking for a baby brother or sister for 2 years now. We told our families on Easter and everyone seems very excited. After hearing the heartbeat at our 12 week appointment, the facebook official announcement on mother's day seemed like the appropriate time. The first two appointments revealed nothing out of the ordinary with the heartbeat in the 160s. :)

In summary, I thought I'd add some Q&A that a lot of people have asked since we've announced our new addition. :)

1) Are you going to find out the gender beforehand?
     Never in a million years would I have said this with my first pregnancy but no, we're waiting for the birth. Having experienced with patients that moment at birth when they find out, I can't imagine doing it differently. Its such a special moment. I am a planner through and through but I feel like especially the second time around there isn't much to plan and waiting will be worth it :)

2) Birth plan etc:
     I had a C-section with my Jordan due to decels in the heart rate during labor. (man would I have liked to see that strip now in hindsight haha) I am hoping to VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I meet all the criteria so far. I am fortunate to go to a midwife/OB-GYN group that are supportive of VBACs and a hospital (the one that I work at) that allows patients to do so. An epidural at some point because contractions suck and I am a wimp. Plus having an epidural in place will be easier if a C-section is necessary.

3) You got names picked out?:
    For the most part yes, but we aren't sharing those either. In the words of my bestie, "your pregnancy is no fun"

Hello second trimester! :) 1/3 down, 2/3's to go :)

Medicinal Therapy Update

A couple of weeks ago, we met with Jordan's teacher for conferences to discuss his progress. It was the end of the first week he's been on medication. She said it's made a huge difference, almost a complete 360 turn around. (then proceeded to boast how she was right and I was wrong, but that's a different rant). We've also briefly talked to her last week without any behavioral or educational complaints from Jordan. We are ecstatic.

Since the last post, we've also been able to assess his bus trips. He's had 2 write ups for non-ADHD related issues, which is still marked improvement. We've also added a handheld pinball game for the bus ride to help him focus on something other than "the boring bus ride".

The "coming off the meds" issue has been stifled thanks to another 2.5mg dose around 1230. I was very hesitant to give him another dose for a lot of reasons, mostly because twice daily dosing is not recommended for under 6. However, the doctor expressed that 2.5mg is a 'sub therapeutic dose' and adding another sub therapeutic dose later in the day shouldn't hurt him.

Since then there has been minimal complaints. He is harder to get him down for bedtime,  and falls asleep an hour to an hour and a half later than before meds. My sister made the suggestion that his body is used to going a mile a minute and now its not for most of the day; so it might give him trouble sleeping for that reason too. We've been trying to keep him as active as possible after school to help him go to sleep easier. (Come on Spring, we need you!!) He doesn't wake up as easy either in the morning.

We are still up in the air about giving him medication on the weekends. It does make it easier for us, however, I feel like its his time to "catch up" on sleeping. I also like the idea of giving him a break from the medication too.

All in all, the difference with the second dose has been more positive than negative. He's not been perfect (because he is a kid) but he's been more "normal". What little side effect he has from the medication has been manageable. While my hesitation for medicinal therapy are valid, I'm glad we've done it at the timing we have. I feel like we are finally getting somewhere with Jordan. It makes me excited for his future because he really is a good kid. And I wouldn't have changed a thing about the decisions we've made for him. :)

The medicinal therapy begins

Our doctor appointment with Jordan did not tell us anything we didn't deep down already know. ADHD. He scored pretty high on the evaluation that we completed (my husband, myself, and his teacher.) Still it hard to hear that there is something "wrong" with him. He talked about three options: diet (seeing if removing red dye or processed sugars would be the link; studies are inconclusive of that working), cognitive behavior therapy (CBT), and of course, medication. We exnayed the diet route for a variety of reasons. I am 100% for CBT, however, we felt like we needed to start with medication first due to the severity and quicker results.

I already knew what I wanted him to start on because I did my homework on the medication. Adderall 2.5mg daily; the only medication with dosing recommendations under 6 years old. He discussed side effects, most of which I knew except for one: "coming 'off' the medication can lead them combative, uncontrollable, and extreme regression back to previous behaviors." Guess which side effect my son gets.... but we'll get to that.

The doctor suggested trialing the medication over the weekend to see what side effects he experiences and if the medication at the lowest dose proves to have an efficacy. Saturday we gave it to him and it seems like a miracle. No appetite suppression, no insomnia, no "coming off" the med symptoms, and it seemed to work all day even though its not extended release. It was the best day we've had with him in what seems like years. We were ecstatic. Then we gave it to him Sunday. It worked for the 4-6 hour time span its supposed to, no side effects except you could tell the instant the medication wore off. From sane to insane. Almost like Jekyll and Hyde. The real test would be how it helps at school.

This week during the 2.5 hours of kindergarten have seemed to be successful. He's had no bad reports (although we won't find out officially how well its helped until our conference with teacher on Friday). His work seems more completed than before. The only question unanswered is how it will help on his bus trips because he's not allowed on the bus until Monday. However, the after school care program has raised heavy concerns to what happens when the medication wears off. Its like the chemical light switch is shut off and hell is broken loose. It happens exactly at the 6 hour mark of giving medication. He's uncontrollable, unable to reason, unable to think at all through his choices, more impulsive than before, and down right awful. We've also seen this at home. Its a form of him we've never seen and is not like this before medication.

We've decided to give it to Friday before we call the pediatrician because of the conference with his teacher. Now we have a lot of questions on where to go from here. If we give him another dose of 2.5 in the afternoon, he'll be coming off the meds past his bedtime. Will he even be able to go to sleep normally? He can't take any different medication (including extended release) and from what I've read a twice a day dosing has not been studied under 6. Even if we try something not recommended for under 6, we may lose this side effect to gain more.

I feel like my child is an experiment.

To be continued....

Kindergarten Troubles

As many of you know and experience first hand, our son is quite the active kid. That's putting it mildly. While we love that about him (and wish to bottle up the energy and make millions), it makes it challenging as a parent. Add strong willed. Add high intellect. And cute! We're in for it for sure.

The past 2 plus years, we've been dealing with behavioral issues in the classroom in addition to at home. When he was in daycare/preschool last year when he was 4, the issues were at the height of awful. Refusal to listen to adults. Impulsive. "Intelligent but socially and emotionally immature." Hitting. Tantrums. Manipulative. Wild. And it goes on. Sounded a lot like me when I was a kid. And I also loved blaming his biologic contributor, because inherent douchery reigns through DNA. We thought he was acting out of boredom because he learns things so fast. We were hoping kindergarten would give him the stimuli and structure to keep his attention.

And it did. For a little bit.

Around October, his teacher voiced concerns about his behavior. He sits at a desk by himself because he can't sit with others without being all over the place. He is not allowed to have certain school supplies at his desk because he uses them inappropriately. He rarely walks, its usually a sprint. He does not shut up. She said talk to his pediatrician. I talk to his pediatrician, he says have her call me. Due to miscommunication, that doesn't happen.

I didn't really want to get his pediatrician involved. While his behavior is not acceptable (and believe me, we are not the parents that let our kid rule the roost), it wasn't everyday. In my mind, means that there isn't anything diagnosable wrong because I am convinced that's who he is. I see so much of myself in him and I turned out ok, right? Isn't he too young? Not to mention my soap box of "not every kid has something wrong with them, let's chill out on slapping meds on kids here". (that's another lecture I like to call "Society and the Pharmaceutical Band-Aid")

Then last week, he gets kicked off the bus for 3 days for not sitting in the seat, screaming for no reason, kicking the window, and not listening to the bus driver. That was a real eye opener for us. Not only is his bus behavior unsafe, it also causes quite a dent in my sleeping if I have to drop him off and pick him up.

Now before you say anything-- We absolutely talk to him about his behavior. We've tried almost discipline method under the sun. We've tried reward systems in which he's manipulated and/or doesn't care about. Of course we spank him. All of this doesn't work. Doesn't mean we don't do them, but it doesn't change anything.

I finally broke down and actually looked up ADHD. What the DSM criteria is. Jordan meets them all. Every single one. I called his pediatrician. Pediatrician talked to his teacher. We're now in the process of evaluation for a diagnosis. It pains me greatly. Not at the possibility of something "being wrong with him". Of the label. Of the medication and side effects (especially that). Of what if we're wrong. What if this doesn't work.

I greatly despise the label of ADHD because it seems like every kid is on Ritalin or stimulants of some sort. The stories I've heard of all the bad stuff like parents using ADHD meds to improve their kids focus during sports(of course we would not do that); pediatricians not properly evaluating their patients; teachers pushing for medications for their students. I am completely jaded, still am, and probably always will be.  But I'm trying really hard to push that aside because this is what he needs. I'm scared on what this means but we want our son to be successful. I hope this all leads to a better road for Jordan.   

Becoming at family part 4: It's final!!!

We've been waiting for this day since February of last year. I can't believe this has been a year in the making, but it's finally over.

I've read back on my previous blog posts and remember exactly how we felt at the beginning of the adoption: scared, nervous, excited. So many what ifs. What would people say? Would he actually give up his rights? How long will this take? What will Jordan think?

Now a year later, those questions have clearly been answered.

The final hearing was short, sweet and to the point. The lawyer really didn't know what was going to happen because this was different than how the last judge did things. We go into the court room. The judge basically says, "Hey, has anything changed between now and September?". Nope. "Ok, well does he know what these whole proceedings mean?" Lawyer chimes in: "He's excited to change his name." Judge asks Jordan what he wants his name to be. J says it oh so cutely. Warms the judge's heart visibly. Judge says have a great life, it's final, peace. (ok, not like that but close). Signed. Sealed. Done.

Jordan is so excited to have his name changed. He told everyone yesterday at school he was being adopted today. I woke up this morning to "Bye Mom! See ya at the adoption! I'm going to change my name!" I'm so glad we made the decision to include him on the name choice. Jordan loves his new name, well... until we yell it when he's in trouble (already done, less than 8 hours of finality.)

We went immediately to change whatever we could of his name. Social Security. Check. School. Check. We will get a Hawaii birth certificate hopefully within two months. (It's weird that Ryan will have his name on a birth certificate in a state he's never stepped foot on--- immaculate conception!? HAHA) Insurances will be dealt with on Monday. The sooner we change everything, the better.

I've wanted this the minute I met Ryan. We're a family in every sense of the word minus a few pesky DNA (which really isn't that great anyway.)

Thank you to everyone who has supported us through this journey. We couldn't have done it without y'all!